Point of No Return

Over the past several years, the Lord has been drawing me to missions. The nature of the call and the ministry is vague in that I only can see the next step ahead of me.  The Lord is calling me to walk by faith and although the calling has been solidifying for a while now, I wanted to allow some time to go by to have something a bit more concrete to write about to share.  The life that I believe the Lord is calling me to is described in

"as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things." - 2 Cor. 6:10 

Over the past year and a half, this calling has intensified through a number of amazing experiences.  In January 2010, as I visited dear friends in Missouri, the Lord spoke to my heart with Esther 2:12 that 2010 would be a year of preparation.  As the year has gone on, it has proven to be so and in multiple ways I have been preparing myself to be able to go when the Lord calls. 

I am often asked "where are you going?" ... my only answer up to this point has been "I don't know".  I have short term vision to visit my friend in Mexico where she is serving the Lord and to visit my best friend and her husband in Bulgaria once they go back ... of course, these in the Lord's timing and certainly neither of them permanent.

Preparing for something that I don't know what it will be is hard, but God is teaching me to walk by faith and go step by step.  The verse in Hebrews 11:8 certainly has taken on a whole new meaning and I can relate to it more than imaginable:

"By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going."

The faithfulness of the Lord has been such that He has brought me through a number of seemingly disjointed events over the last 18 months that are working together to a common good in His will.  These are almost innumerable and the guidance of God has been continual.  Some of these things are:

1. I went to Bulgaria in 2009, to visit my best friend in the midst of a hard situation that the Lord used in her life for amazing purposes (but that is another story).  There I first truly experienced culture shock in a way that I had not anticipated (particularly as it was my first time in a culture where I couldn’t speak the language), but I was also blessed to see believers used by the Lord.  I was humbled by how much was accomplished with so little.  I also visited some local orphanages and fellowshipped with the leader of an orphanage ministry there.  My heart has been forever transformed!!!
2. Taking the Billy Graham Rapid Response Team crisis management training earlier this year and I will be applying to be certified as a chaplain for critical incidents.  We shall see how the Lord uses this.
3. Paying off my debt (at least the non-mortgage debt).  It started when I sold my hot tub and paid off my car.  Then the Lord has faithfully provided and I have paid all of it off!!!
4. Spending time and fellowshipping with dear friends, brothers and sisters in Christ like-minded, whose heart and experiences are in the mission field either because they have been there, are there or will be returning there.  I can truly say that I have experienced "holy jealousy" in seeing how the Lord is using one of my dear friends and sister and longing that my life be poured out with the same abandon and completely purpose filled ... (Thank you! ... and keep it up!)
5. Toward the second week of November, I have been led of the Lord and I have put my house up for sale.  This move has been a step of faith trusting the Lord for His sovereign hand. If it is His will, He will bring it to pass that I may be free to serve Him as He chooses.  This is one item that has many aspects where each step has been directed by the Lord and has had His fingerprints all over it.  Among the many things where no coincidence could account for the miracles there are: divine appointments to meet and discuss the possible sale with the realtor at a Ladies prayer breakfast, that my dear friend from Missouri was in town the very week and lovingly offered to help with cleaning and staging my house for the sale ... and recruited others! (I couldn't have done it without you!)  God is sooooo good!!
6. This past November and beginning of December, I went to PR to visit family and tour around the Island with family and close friends.  During this trip, I was extremely blessed to fellowship with several brothers and sisters from Calvary Chapel of Puerto Rico and I was extremely blessed to hear testimonies of Pastor Dan having gone to Haiti and minister there.  During this fellowship, I was amazed and blessed to be invited to join the team on a trip to Haiti!!!

The Lord is opening the doors for me to go to Haiti in February 2011 and I am praying about going.  In the meantime, I am taking quite a few steps of preparation and steps in this direction including renewing my passport, submitting all the application paperwork, starting to incur the financial commitment for the trip, medical tests for the application (for vaccinations and blood type) - ironically the only time I recall getting a blood type test was in my high school science class during a lab ... I don't quite want to trust that for the application! :)

For additional information on the ministry, where I'm going and what I will be doing, please see this site:
http://www.calvarychapelhaitiinitiative.org/
Please keep this ministry and my participation in this trip in prayer.  I know it will be hard, but I am so hopeful of what the Lord will do.

I am so excited ... and I am also scared ... but the Lord is faithful.  Not too long ago I heard Pastor Jon Courson teaching and was very impacted by something he said:

Fear is not lack of faith, but a lack of memory … If I fear, I have forgotten what God has done for me and His provision or protection in the past. Faith is not the answer to fear, but rather Love, because Perfect Love casts out fear.  If I remember that God loves me Perfectly, I will not have fear.

As I share about this vision with different people, I have been overwhelmingly blessed receiving so many offers to be hosted and stay in their homes than houses I could ever afford.   I haven't even sold my house yet and I have been reminded of Mark 10:29-30:

So Jesus answered and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel’s, ³⁰ who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time—houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions—and in the age to come, eternal life.

What will this mean?  Well, it's hard to know and certainly to describe ... I know that my secular job at Xerox is so un-eternal and yields no satisfaction.  I am there now as the Lord has, but I know it is temporary.  Only in doing the will of God will I be satisfied.  I am learning the meaning of Psalm 37:4 - Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

During a message, Pastor Ray said: "This endeavor will not succeed without prayer".  It is so true and it has become a phrase that I use as a reminder.  My prayer life has certainly intensified and I could use all your prayers.  Hold on tight as we watch this adventure the Lord is taking me on and seek the Lord for your own adventure!!!  He has amazing things for each one of us!!!  Let's trust Him and abandon ourselves in His capable hands!

I know to some, this may seem crazy ... maybe even a waste ... Just last week I heard something that also gripped my heart:

The missionary has the mind on heaven and on the eternal reward ... where the world says "what a waste", God says "Bullseye!"