Next Steps and Guiding

Whew! What intense, but God filled, several weeks following my last blog!!! And what crazy intense weeks since then too!!  Thank you all for praying during my most recent ordeal! I would like to share with you a bit of what the Lord has been doing. Some are aware of all that has happened, while others may not know all that has happened. There is a lot to share, so I will try to share as much as I can as clearly and succinctly as possible.

Last I wrote, I was heading to PR for my friend's funeral. The trip was sweet, memorable and in some ways also difficult, as is understandable. I was very blessed to spend the week with Luan, Edan and Diego. What dear friends and what fun we had! It was bitter-sweet to recall with joy many memories of my friend Edwin and share about how much we loved him and things he would say or do if he was with us.  I still pray regularly for them and I am in somewhat regular contact with them even as I am back.  Please continue praying for them.

On the day before I was to leave PR and go to FL, I spent 1 hr at the beach at what was the hottest time of the day.  I enjoyed the beach and went back to the house with Luan for a fun afternoon with the boys.  It was fun, but oh, did I fry!  I looked like a lobster!!!  That night, I got up in the middle of the night and ended up fainting and falling on the bathroom floor.  I woke up in a pool of blood and called Luan to help me.  I had a couple of ambulance rides and spent about 36 hrs hospitalized.  After many exams, all of them yielding normal results, I was released from the hospital.  It was good to know that all serious matters (such as heart attack, stroke and seizure) had been ruled out, which effectively only left either heatstroke/dehydration or blood sugar as the possible reasons.  Because my blood sugar was normal when I woke up from the fainting spell, it is most likely to have been dehydration.  After all the ordeal, my flight to Florida was delayed by two days and I was scheduled to arrive the night before the missions conference.

With little sleep and still dazed, I drove to Merritt Island the next day and was super blessed at the conference.  The whirlwid was worth it!!  At the moment, there were several blessed instances where I felt the Lord confirming things to my heart and blessing me with direction and encouragement, although I would need to pray and dwell on them more to be certain.  I was also blessed to make connections and new friends that are like-minded.  I was even hosted by a wonderful missionary family that had been in Belize previously and will be moving to Italy in the summer. We were able to share experiences and fellowship sweetly during the time we had.  I so look forward to meeting with them again. 

So a bit of time has gone by as I have been praying and planning and seeking ... and the direction that I thought I was going in is changing, yet again!  It definitely seems to be the story of my life right now.  I am confident that the Lord is guiding me, although a lot of questions seem to take over more than answers.  Every time I take a step of faith, some clarity comes, which is very encouraging.  That clarity is sometimes in the form of a closed door and other times it is in the form of an open door, new opportunity and new connections.  I am thankful the direction isn't just in circumstances, but also in prayer and through the Word.

¹⁷ that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, ¹⁸ the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints,
Ephesians 1:17-18

These verses really ministered to me in the beautiful progression that they show.  This progression is not coincidental, it is sequential.  The first thing we need is the spirit of wisdom and revelation, but the knowledge that we need is of Him and not of things.  As we have knowledge of Him, our eyes our enlightened and we are able to know and understand His calling.  I love that it is described as the "hope of His calling".  It is something to hope for, to aspire, to long for.  Finally, we are able to know what will be our inheritance, His inheritance described as riches of glory!!!  I am comforted that the Lord Jesus is granting me knowledge of Him and He will cause me to understand His calling!!!  Isn't that an awesome promise to us?!?!?!  Does that excite you as much as it excites me!?!?!  It should! :)  His plans and calling for each one of us are unique, but they are perfectly designed for each of us, they are "tailor made" by our Heavenly Father.  Don't you want to learn and fulfill His purpose for you?  I certainly do!

On the Sunday that I was in PR, I went with my friend to a ladies retreat. I had never met the lady that was ministering there. After the teaching, during a time of prayer, she came to me and spoke to my heart a very specific Word from the Lord that she had no way of knowing other than through the Spirit. The message was prophetic and included comfort and also direction. She shared that doors had been closed, but that I could be comforted that the enemy wasn't closing the doors, but He had closed the doors and He was opening a door to me to Asia.  At that time, Asia was a far thought in my mind.  I do have contacts there. I know dear friends in China that are like-minded and dear to me.  I also had met Pastor Ted, a dear friend of my pastor Ray, who is a point of contact with my friends, and at a previous time had visited my home church in CC Webster.  In spite of knowing them, I didn't really feel like that was a place where I would go to soon.  When I heard this, I set it in my heart and waited for further clarity from the Lord and to see how the matter would turn out.  I was not ready to just jump at a prophesy without the Lord continuing to confirm that He was calling me directly.

When I was in Florida at the conference, the Lord established some dear connections and provided further direction. I was able to meet up with Ted and establish connections and talk about possible future opportunities for joint service.  We left matters as we would continue to pray over the options and seek the will of the Lord.

During my remaining time in Florida, I was able to visit with Margie, Beka and her kids, play a lot of Angry Birds, hang out at the pool and recuperate from my hospital ordeal.  What fun time too!!

Before going on the trips, the Lord has made clear to my heart through many scriptures, emails, doors and conversations that my plans to go to Mexico in the summer is encountering a closed door for that time.  Since I have been back from the trips, it has become evident that another door is being opened to go to China during that time instead. In my mind, going to China would be something I would do only after having more "experience" under my belt as a missionary, yet, the Lord is seeing fit to orchestrate that as the first trip on my leave of absence. How exciting and how terrifying at the same time!!  What this all means is yet to be discovered and I am open to the Lord's direction and further adjusting, should this not be the time, although I believe it is.  Stay tuned for the upcoming plans!!! :D

Three months ago today, I read this as part of my devotions:
Woe be to the soul who tries to put his foot in any other direction when once that call has come to him. This College exists for you, and you – to see whether God has a man or woman here who cares about proclaiming His Gospel; to see whether God grips you. And beware of competitors when God does grip you.
-Oswald Chambers, from Utmost Feb 2

I know I am not attending the same college that Oswald was at when he spoke those words, but it still rings true of the circumstances that we are in.  We are to explore whether God is gripping our heart to proclaim His Gospel, to share the good news of salvation that Christ died for our sins and rose again!!!  And we must beware of anything or anyone competing with Him!

Blessed Hope

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38, 39 NKJV)

What do these verses convey?  What do we think of when we read this? I can't say that I have dwelt on the meaning and richness of these verses in a long time if truly ever. Have I read them or heard them taught or even quoted them? Of course! But the richness and depth of them becomes so real ...

I have a very dear friend,  Edwin Rivera, younger than I by a year.  We have shared so many experiences and wonderful memories. We went to college together for 4 years. He is one of my closest friends that became my closest friend in that experience and years. We pulled all-nighters studying together more times than is healthy!  We would look out for each other as brother and sister with care and pranks, especially those college years, but also since then.  Our home towns were close, so going home from college for the weekend didn't mean much distance and we got to hang out a lot. We would later share a common faith in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The Lord brought him to a point where he would accept my invitation to come to youth group and he received the Lord that very night!  Once he came to the Lord, he was radically saved!  We would share a church and close circle of friends, brothers & sisters in Christ.  He grew in the Lord amazingly fast with great discernment and love of the Lord, which I later had to witness at a distance as I moved to Rochester about 7 months after he got saved.  He married Luan Negron, my best friend from church (and close circle of friends) and I was privileged to return to PR to be the maid of honor at their wedding. On every trip to my home land, I was sure to see them, even when bringing with me other friends that were also blessed to meet him.  I shared meeting both their boys, Edan and Diego, as the Lord added to their family.  I got to see how the Lord raised him up as a youth pastor of the church. I also got to visit with him at the hospital several years ago when I was visiting Puerto Rico and he was sick, although always joyful.  What great times of fellowship! How we laughed together and cried together over the  years! The work of the Lord through him and his ministry in the church has grown amazingly and how the Lord has used him blesses me more than words can express.

Edwin, Luan, Edan and I at the church in Arecibo Dec 2010

Now, I am in flight to PR again, but this time going to share with my friend at his funeral. At his young age, Edwin had a disease, which affected his liver among other things and although we didn't think he would be departing with the Lord so soon, he has been called to be in His presence.  These verses take on new meaning when suddenly I face death, when a dear friend has beat me to Glory. Oh, how I rejoice that he IS in Glory with the Lord!

Edwin, Luan, Edan and Diego Feb 2011

when I came to PR to go to Haiti

The verses above were the ones that a friend shared with me as I texted and shared with some of my brothers and sisters to be praying for my friend and about his subsequent passing to glory just yesterday.  Death cannot separate us from the love of God. A life with this loss cannot separate us from the love of God. The sorrow cannot separate us from the love of God. God loves us always, He is ever present, always loving, always good. Death in this body further unites us with God. It has lost its sting. Death cannot separate us from the love of God. God is good and His love endures!

I hadn't talked with my friends in a while. We didn't talk daily or even weekly like we used to. What had happened? Why not? Did we care any less for each other? No. Life happened. There are only so many hours in the day. I was busy, they were busy. Life goes on and the days go on faster than we would think. Life might separate us from earthly friends, but life cannot separate us from the love of God. How constant! How dependable! How strong!

We endure spiritual warfare. The enemy is like a roaring lion seeking whom he can devour, yet he can do nothing to separate us from the love of God.  The business, joys, sorrows, problems, hurts, pains, fears, nor anything that we are going through is big enough to separate us from the love of God. There is nothing we will go through that can separate us from the love of God! Nothing or no one can separate us from His love.

As I type this, I am listening to Mighty to Save.  Yes, He is! He is mighty to have saved my friend! Mighty to have saved me! Mighty to have saved many through his ministry.  My friend is gone from this present suffering, but God is mighty to save and we shall see each other again!! God is mighty to save his wife from the pain of missing him, mighty to save his boys from any need they may experience as part of living the rest of their life without their earthly father by supplying all their need according to His riches in glory. He will always be their Heavenly Father, Everlasting Father! Mighty to save his mom as she endures the sorrow of losing her only child, her son. Please join me in prayer for them as the Lord works on their behalf as I trust He will.

Tonight, they had a worship service at the funeral home, which unfortunately I was unable to make as I arrive too late, but I am confident that the church body was worshipping the Lord with my friend's family and ministering to them. Tomorrow will be the funeral and I am thankful I will be able to make it for that at least. I will be staying with Luan, my dear friend, & her boys for several days and I look forward to catch up with her and celebrate Edwin's life in Jesus, rejoicing in the fruit of the love of the Lord in and through his life.

But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 4:13, 14 NKJV)

Have I cried with this news? Definitely! Even as I write these thoughts, too. Praise the Lord that the lights in the plane are off!  Will I cry some more? Guaranteed! Jesus wept, even knowing He would resurrect Lazarus. I will see my friend again. I believe it. I know it.  I have that hope. I will introduce him to new friends I met since I moved away from PR, that I could not have the chance to introduce to him before. We shall rejoice together in the presence of Jesus. I have this hope in a Mighty Savior God!

It is Finished!!!

The house is sold and I have moved out!!!!
A lot has happened, and I have been extremely busy, since the last time that I wrote.  Sorry for the lack of updates.  I hope I can summarize the Lord's work over the past month and a half.

I made some great memories through the holidays.  I spent Thanksgiving with great friends and spiritual family.  My Mom and Grandpa came to visit me around Christmas and we celebrated Christmas and spent the New Year together.  I even learned about their New Year's Eve traditions of grilled cheese sandwiches and Egg Nog!!!  It was the first time my Grandpa had visited my home in NY.  My Mom helped me get organized and get rid of a lot of things, while I was able to give her some clothes to take too!  We made several trips to Good Will and cleaned out the garage and basement!!  We did get to make some time to do a couple of fun things including going to Niagara Falls, getting our hair done and they got to see snow in the midst of a very wet and not very snowy winter!  It was amazing to see my Grandpa go in his wheeled walker over snow and ice down the icy Charlotte Beach Pier that I was apprehensive walking on!

Mom and Grandpa at Niagara Falls with little snow, right before it really started to come down!!!

Once they left, the Lord provided help from different people to help me in many ways.  It was so special to see the care of the Lord, and how He was providing through many brothers and sisters that would offer their help, lovingly and willingly in preparation for my house sale, clearing out possessions and even repairs for Moses (my Jeep), in preparation of the first journey.  I have truly been simplifying.  It is amazing how many things we think we can't live without, yet, they are really unnecessary.  I sold lots of things, gave away many things, threw away a lot of things and packed a lot less than I thought, although still a lot!  It was a blessing to see others being blessed by what they received or bought!

Another huge blessing was the storage location.  The Lord opened up a storage room at church where all the things that I don't need right this week are organized, safe and available to me.

January 21, the day of the move, was a whirlwind!!!  So many brothers and sisters came!  I rented a truck and so many came that everything was happening amazingly fast!  It was almost like the whole spinning motion carried me along (I know it was the Lord).  Many people moved things, wrapped things, organized things and cleaned.  Thank you all for everything you have done!  Words cannot express how overwhelmingly blessed and loved I have felt!!

I am now staying with Pastor Ray and Margie, who have adopted me into their home and are truly a blessing.  To keep in tradition with the first time I moved to Rochester, I moved into their home when they were out of town.  How amazingly trusting of them!!  I am adjusting to the new location and serving the Lord as He allows right where I am.  A friend needed to move her possessions in storage from Ithaca the weekend after I moved.  It was a blessing to be free from my own house responsibilities to be able to help her, especially after how much she had helped me too!

The big chapter of owning a house is now closed and finished. I don't know if it will be a chapter the Lord would have in the future again, but it certainly is not now.  Further preparation awaits me. Just as the Lord has helped and provided up to this point, He too will continue doing as He leads. I am excited as I seek Him for what is next and await His direction, while I continue being faithful where He has me, which right now, still includes my job at Xerox.

My first morning at Ray & Margie's was a Sunday morning and I read the following in my devotional (Tozer on Christian Leadership for 1/22):

"The Lord liveth, and blessed be my rock, and exalted be the God of the rock of my salvation."
- 2 Samuel 22:47

Oh God, be Thou exalted over my possessions. Nothing of earth's treasures shall seem dear unto me if only Thou art glorified in my life.  Be Thou exalted over my friendships. I am determined that Thou shalt be above all, though I must stand deserted and alone in the midst of the earth. Be Thou exalted above my comforts. Though it mean the loss of bodily comforts and the carrying of heavy crosses, I shall keep my vow made this day before Thee.  Be Thou exalted over my reputation. Make me ambitious to please Thee even if as a result I must sink into obscurity and my name be forgotten as a dream. Rise, O Lord, into Thy proper place of honor, above my ambitions, above my likes and dislikes, above my family, my health and even my life itself. Let me sink that Thou mayest rise above. Ride forth upon me as Thou didst ride into Jerusalem mounted upon the humble little beast, a colt, the foal of an ass, and let me hear the children cry to Thee, "Hosanna in the highest." 

Be Thou exalted in my life. Amen.

Glory in Infirmities?????

There is really something about that phrase that completely has me thinking ...

There are four instances of "infirmities" in 2 Corinthians 11-12 ... the word really jumps out at me because I have been very sick for almost 4 weeks up until the beginning of last week, but particularly more the two weeks before.  Being sick and reading this word repeatedly has a way of signaling that the Lord wants to speak to me!

And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities...For when I am weak, then I am strong.
-2 Cor. 12:9-10

About a day or two after reading this, dear friends that are serving the Lord in Mexico also shared this verse in their update!

My allergies, allergy-induced asthma, sinus pressure, coughing, ear pressure, chest pain, throat pain and headache were driving me nuts.  I had been going to the doctor and taking all kinds of medication in hopes of getting better.  I have also been doing Vicks, humidifier and many other alternatives, with no success.  I do know that a lot of people have been sick for weeks and pneumonia or bronchitis have been going around.  I was so frustrated that I couldn't get better and couldn't breathe that I ended up going on Prednisone, which I normally refuse, if at all possible.

I had been reading a devotional that really grabbed a hold of me.  The title for the reading was "Preparation".  The couple of lines that ministered to me were:
"What is in your hand? Would you attempt to do a work with a broken instrument? ... Preparation is your own responsibility.  Certainly I will help you in it, but I am not glorified through a vessel that is careless concerning its condition."

I have been spending so much time and effort into material preparations, yet I need to prepare myself.  One of the first scriptures that the Lord had given me was about preparations.  I need to prepare myself emotionally, spiritually and also physically.

The Lord has opened doors for me to go to a homeopathic medicine doctor.  I am exploring other alternatives to getting better physically with natural means after having been so medicated.  I am hopeful, but not yet certain.  I believe this is part of my responsibility and duty to be prepared.  We shall see what the Lord does through this.

So, while I look into preparing my body and trying to get better naturally, it is then that I came to 2 Corinthians 11-12.  Infirmities have a way to induce in me many feelings ... desire to "glory" or "boas" is not one of them.  I get frustrated, angry, agitated, depressed, lonely, impatient, etc.  As I am sick, I have the choice to draw closer to the Lord, find in the infirmity the reason for rejoicing and glorying, or to allow all the natural emotions to take over.  I can rejoice that when I am weak, then I am strong!  I can become the vessel where the Lord pours out His power!!!  I can take hold of His strength in my life when I am weak.  I can embrace my weakness and glory in my infirmity!

I am finally starting to feel better, so I hope that I have learned what He was trying to teach me. Don't get me wrong, I still don't like being sick, but it is a sweet reminder to embrace what He allows in my life.  Even when I don't like it, I can glory in it!

Domino Effect Kickoff

It seems like the dominos had been stacked in order for the sale of the house but that first domino (I mean house) needed a buyer ...

Well ... yesterday, I got a call from my realtor that a couple that are first time buyers (no contingency) have placed an offer on the first house and it got accepted!!!! So, officially, the first domino is getting knocked down!!!!!  Yay!!!  Excitement!!!  Intrepidation!!!  Fear???  Panic??? ha ha ha The Lord is in control!

Either way, it is real, it's coming!  The house sale is on its way!  Closing is tentatively set for January 22, 2012.  There is a lot to do between now and then.  God is faithful and He will complete it.

Please help me pray that things will continue their progress and I would be able to clear out the house with the time I have left.

The Guidance of the Lord is ...

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths. 

Prov 3:5-6

This is such a familiar passage of Scripture!  Do we really read it?  Do we really believe it?  Do we consider it an encouraging passage that comes to mind when we think things aren't going right?  This morning in my devotions, the Lord brought me to Proverbs 3.  It's so easy to just skim over these verses.  I felt the Lord wanted my heart to meditate on these verses.  I began thinking of it in a fresh new way.  Trust ... all my heart ... lean ... acknowledge ... direct your paths. 

Suddenly action has kicked in again! The whistle blew and time in!  Action is in swing!  I blogged about the time out last Wednesday, then on Saturday, I had a new showing, then again this afternoon.  The anticipation was killing me and I was feeling anxious about the showing at 1:30pm.  I kept having to remember my scripture from the morning.  A dear friend reminded me "chill girl, He already knows the outcome". Trust in the Lord!  This was definitely the phrase that would settle my heart.

Well, it was definitely the day of up and down news!  I really needed to remember to trust!  I also needed to lean not to my own understanding.  My understanding would go up and down along with the news and I needed to chose to lean on the Lord and forget the understanding that I kept gaining (and losing as bad news came).  After the showing on Saturday, I asked how it had gone, but all I got was "good, they liked it".  After the showing today, I asked how it went and the answer was "they liked it but they are worried about the Walmart".  The owners of the Walmart in the plaza next door want to turn it into a Super Walmart and for some reason, this is a highly debated topic that discourages people from buying my house.  My realtor proceeded to tell me that she thought that we may need to lower the price.  I was discouraged by the news, but I kept trying to remind myself to trust the Lord.  By the end of my work day, I got another text from my realtor asking at what time I would be home and that she wanted to review an offer with me!!!!  I came home not knowing what to expect and again reminding myself to trust the Lord and not lean to my own understanding.  I didn't know what the offer would be and if it would be good or not. 

Acknowledge Him in ALL my ways ...
The first 3 definitions in the dictionary are perfect!!!

1. to recognize the rights, authority, or status of ...
2. to disclose knowledge of or agreement with ...
3. to express gratitude or obligation for ...

I need to recognize that I am not my own, I am bought with a price, I am under His authority.  In prayer, tell Him of this recognition and, in sharing with other people, to also share about this recognition and submission with them.  Finally, express gratitude to the Lord for His work and confess that I owe Him all!  When I do this, I receive the promise that He will direct my paths!!!!

As I anticipated the offer, I was keeping these verses in mind, although I didn't dive into the definition until now, so it is more confirmation and reaffirmation to my heart now.  I sat with the realtor and we were going to walk through the offer.  She sweetly shared how she had been praying about the sale of my house and it was very encouraging and a blessing.  She began the process by sharing that the first christian couple that I blogged about were concerned about the Walmart and were pretty much backing off.  

Then she shared that in her dealings with another client of hers, they had placed an offer on a house that she later realized was the same people with whom I had my previous contingent offer (with the previous realtor).  They had also been burned by that deal and the relationship with that realtor.  It was quite unfortunate.  They didn't really want to talk about it at all, but after a while, they did talk to their new realtor, who gets along well with mine.  Anyway, now they had an offer on their house and they didn't have a house to buy.  They still liked my house and decided to come see it, albeit reluctantly.  They are the ones that came on Saturday, although I wasn't told until today.  Yesterday, they met with their realtor and drafted the offer that they sent to my realtor today!!!!!!!!!!!!!  As I evaluated the price and the offer, it was evident that it was fair, although lower than the previous agreement (although not terribly).  Their house also sold for a lot less than they had it listed for with the previous realtor.  As I thought about it, I was at peace.  I felt the Lord directing and making the path straight, going before me.  Accepting this offer was the third link in a chain of house deals that were in progress.  I realize that the Walmart is a reason to deter many buyers and I have peace about not being greedy (not that I should ever justify peace about being greedy).  The first house still needs to sell.  My realtor is now making the sale of that one a priority to get the rest going.  We are now praying the first house sells!

The Lord is bringing out other things from this Proverb to my heart, but that will have to wait for another blog entry ... suffice it to add that the Proverb goes on to say: "Honor the LORD with your possessions" ...

Sooooo ............  I signed the offer and if things continue with the current motion, I will be closing in January!  Please join me in prayer that the Lord would sell the first house in the chain, that I would continue walking in faith and His guidance would continue leading the way.  I am joyfully directed in Him and by Him!!!!

Time out!

I suddenly feel like time out was called and all the activity has stopped!  I was sick last week and quite sick through the weekend.  I was thankful that nothing was happening at my house other than me resting.  In the meantime, the realtor met with the couple I blogged about last time and they are worried about the Super Walmart that is in debate to be constructed close to my house.  So ... after all the turmoil and activity ... well, nothing is happening right now ...

I am trusting that He is in control of it all.  My heart needs to rest in it too.